Thinking He’s Dead

My brother is a heroin addict & is probably going to die.

I am so fucking sick of heroin.

It never ends.

Sober.  High. Sober.  High.

His grey face is back and apparently he overdosed last Saturday.  He would never tell us about that though.  He only tells his friends because for some twisted reason he thinks it sounds cool.  He doesn’t call me but I call him.  It goes right to voicemail.  I think he’s dead.

I call his ex-girlfriend and she tells me he is a hot hot hot mess.  He’s grey and skinny and slurring his words.

The addict is back.

I’m over it.

I have to be over it.

Five years of this shit is making me in-fucking-sane.

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3 thoughts on “Thinking He’s Dead”

  1. i try the outta sight outta mind appraoch. it makes me feel so very cold. then my family reminds me of the reality i try so hard to ignore.

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  2. I do that too but it never works and gets me angrier when shit starts going down again you know?

    I rarely talk to him but I just can’t have him in my life. It is too painful and difficult. It is a roller coaster that I can never get off and I hate heights.

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    1. Well, Brother ditched rehab in KY to hitchhike back to Ohio. One of his “friends” helped him get back to his hood. Then 2 days later he ODs for the first time. Paramedics saved his life. Ten days later he is back on the stuff. Here we go again.

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