The Clean Addict

Hoping my brother stays clean…this time

Addicts love to get clean.

Heroin addiction is cyclical.  At least in my world. My brother has been clean more times than I care to remember and has been high more times than anyone ever should be.  It is not a pretty life.

Last time we spoke he had come by the restaurant.  He was headed into a 9 month rehab program and wanted to say goodbye.  I was hopeful, but having watched him go in and out of detox / rehab facility, I was highly suspect.

He lasted 2 months.

He got kicked out for fighting (?) and has now come back into my life.

I have seen him twice since he got kicked out of the facility and he looks good.  He’s clean.  He’s sober.  He’s got a sponsor.  But he’s still an addict, and addicts love to get clean.

Here’s what I mean.

The way heroin works, according to what I have seen go down in a 5 year addiction, is this:

Addict shoots up.

Addict shoots up a lot.

Addict shoots up so much that said addict can no longer get high with a small amount of heroin.

Addict is a junkie and can therefore not afford large amounts of heroin, so addict goes to detox.

Detox cleans addicts system out.

Addict can choose one of 2 ways, clean or junk.

Addict chooses junk.

The cycle begins again.

I have watched this go down with my brother over 20 times.  I hope I don’t have to watch it a 21st time.  I would like my brother back.  For real this time.


2 thoughts on “The Clean Addict”

  1. Hi,

    I am sorry for what you are going through.
    I am going through the very same situation.
    It’s been six years allready.

    His “girlfriend”, a thirteen year long hard core junky, is pregnant.
    Six and a half months and counting.
    He told my father when she was five months.
    He told me, on the sixth.

    She was told by the doctor to terminate the pregnancy.
    My brother said yes.
    She said no.

    He is staying with her at a filthy little studio at one of the worst drug areas of the city. He had been “almost” clean for the five past months. I say “almost” because he told us he has used throughout this period. He was regularly tested by my father and was never found positive. Only good negatives. Still…

    In the mean time, I started getting my life back. My parnter and I started planning our wedding, told our friends, relatives, I dried wedding gowns with my happy mother coming along and so on and so forth.

    Until the day he said he’s used and that gis g/f is pregnant.
    That was two weeks ago.

    We have lost him for good this time. But the damned hope doesn’t let me to let it go.

    I feel you because my brother too, used to be like yours.
    He speaks fluently two foreign languages and holds two Master’s Degrees in Economics from a renounced British universtity. He used to be the goofy of the party. Make ppl laugh and have fun. He used to have a good sense of humour. Very good actually… He used to read a lot and write a lot. He taught himself how to play the guitar. Pretty well, I’d say. He used to be handsome. He used to be smarter than I. He used to be more sociable, amiable, likeable and lovable.

    I don’t suffer from an inferiority complex against him. On the contrary, I loved him for what he was. Admired and love my little brother.

    If you are in the States or in Australia, I am half a planet away from you, writing you from sunny Greece. A country like my brother. A bitterly unfulfilled potential.

    I’ve used enough of your space.
    Just this and I go.

    Feed your children with endless love. What that means exactly, you know better of all people. You are much stronger than you might think or feel.

    My heart goes out for you.


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