My brother is on a bender. The text messages have begun and he wants to die. Sick from withdrawal his angst filled text come to my father’s inbox. And then they stop.

His phone is dead.

He may be dead.

We don’t know where he is. We don’t know if he’s ok or if he is in trouble. His roommate has called us to let us know he stayed in a motel last night but now has disappeared.

The saga of the poppy continues. His veins full of death just waiting to take him one last time.

All we can do is wait.

All I can do is tell my dad how much I love him and how this is NOT his fault. He didn’t put the needle in his arm. He didn’t make that choice. My brother did. My words fall on deaf ears as I watch my father wait for him to die.

Heroin is such a mother fucker.


4 thoughts on “Bender”

  1. A friend told me the other day that it’s going to be OK.
    It has been years since I last heard someone telling it’s going to be OK.
    I took her word cause I am so tired of feeling afraid.

    I know how you feel. You write in a dry way. I know what’s underneath the dessert sand.


  2. Wow your blog is interesting could you please email me I have few questions for you? I am praying for your bro and I hope and prays he gets better!


  3. I know your brother and I am saddended to learn this history of heroin abuse….I had no idea nor did I ever see him use. I heard rumors starting towards the end of summer and was in as much shock then as I am today reading this. I got to know your brother over the spring/summer and thought (still do) that he was a great guy and a good friend with a bright future. I had hung out with him on several occassions at his apartment, my house as well as the occasional trip out to the bars. Again…never had a clue that he was using heroin. I feel bad because we have lost contact over the last few months and I feel that I could have possibly helped more. I am angry and sad at the same time because he (to me) is so much better than this and I am afraid that the additcition is going to totally destroy his life. I feel your pain and the pain that your family has endured. I wish there was an easy way to fix all of this but unfortunately that needs to start with him. We are praying for you all……


  4. Chuck and Brooks,

    I am so glad to know he has you both in his life. Unfortunately he has been battling this disease for the past 6 years. We had hoped he had conquered it this past year however now we know it has once again conquered him. I know deep down he hates it but it is such a strong force in his life that he has no control once he starts using. Take care and I hope you both have a great holiday.


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