Her Sober Brother

My brother is sober and in my life.

My brother is sober.

He is on his fifth month sober. After a string of events that led him to drug court he found himself in a program once again. He lived there for three months and is now living in a sober house. This time around I have chosen to have a relationship with him. I know the risks of this and I have tried to talk myself out of being in his life but something just won’t let me. I’m not sure why it’s different this time. It just is.

Maybe it’s because I miss him, and the anger I have felt towards him over the past 11 years is starting to fade. Maybe it’s because deep down I hope that my life will inspire him. Maybe I think if he sees that I can find happiness in family, love, and life, maybe he could too. Or maybe it’s just time.

I don’t know how things will end up. I know the cycle of addiction and I know the risk of having him in my life is high and could be destined for failure and pain but something just says that this is what I need to do. I love him and I want to believe so bad that he is on his way to a life of sobriety and happiness. But I also know that addicts have to do it on their own and my brother is no different. He has to want it and for the first time ever in the history of his terrible addiction I actually believe he does want it.

My brother started writing a blog when he found out about this blog. You can find him here at Her Sober Brother. 

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13 thoughts on “Her Sober Brother”

  1. My Mom let my brother back in her life regularly over 40 years. It is surprising to me when people don’t do this. Sadly, I know that it takes too much effort for people to look forward rather than to the past.

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  2. Great! And I’m sure you’ll tell him that you love him. Never stop!

    We can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. Leading a happy and healthy life shows your brother that there is an easier and better way. If/when he decides to get sober, you’ll have shown him a path that he too can follow.

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  3. I found out my brother is addicted to heroin about 6 months ago. He has gone from taking money from my mom’s purse to breaking into our family business, stealing checks, forging names and cashing them. Right now my goal is just to have him arrested so that he will no longer be harmful to others our himself. It’s heartbreaking. Part of me hates him for what he is doing to my poor mother and part of me worries if he is cold or hungry. But right now there is no time for emotion. When he finally gets arrested, I will probably break down. But I will have to deal with that when we get there.

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    1. I know your pain all too well. My brother is a heroine addict. He has been using since he was 16 and he’s about to be 23. My sisters and I have been living through hell all these years watching him destroy his life. Our daughters, his nieces have known him no other way. He’s been in and out of jail. His longest stay was 2 years and they were the most peaceful 2 years of our lives. When he got out we thought for sure he’d be better but he started using almost immediately. Just last week my sister saw him on the street drugged up and dirty begging for money. He is blind to the heart break his addiction is causing us. I often times find myself praying for death. I don’t know what is more heartbreaking, my brother dying or watching him wither away. I pray and pray that our brothers will find their way and can breath this awful demon.

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  4. Thank you for writing about your thoughts and emotions on your blog. My brother is also a heroin addict. He also started with prescription pain pills. He was recently sentenced to 3 years in prison for robbery (7 felonies). Unfortunately, he was not sent to a rehab facility, since his crimes were not drug related (although they were a direct cause of drug addiction/use). I am afraid for him. I am afraid for his future. People say that jail is the safest place for him to be but I do not believe that is true. The prison guards are payed by gangs and heroin or something like it is smuggled into the jails and prisons. I pray my brother has learned and I pray he can win the battle against his addiction, as it is a daily fight. I pray for my little sister who is only 16 and is depressed. I pray for my family, that we become stronger as one and not broken. This is exhausting.

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  5. Thank you for writing about your experiences in this blog. It’s another late night when my heroine (et al) addicted brother is hoarding himself in our backyard..and selfishly waking my elderly mother up at 3am for supplies after abusing pills INSIDE a rehab facility and getting kicked out. She told him no, no blanket, these are your consequences and you don’t live here and I supported her. But oh my goodness the overwhelming psychologically f***********ed up effects this is having on our shrinking family is making me feel like I’m withering after 20 years of this bs. My whole life. Disappearing. He’s like a volture and our mother is his prey and my god is it exhausting constantly worrying for her and have to be this tough stong mean person to him because she is so suceptible his manipulation and my gosh I just want relief for her AND a good path a good life for him, I know God is with us…nothing is just a consequential happening. That’s the one thing keeping me together I think. At this point I’m considering getting counseling for myself..thoughts?Anyway..thank you for sharing..and reading, may each of you and your loved ones be guided onto a path of good health and happiness.

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  6. Saw it has been a while since you posted. I hope all is well with you and your family. Thank you for bravely sharing your story.

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  7. You are not alone. I have the same highs and lows with my older brother. His jail time is heart wrenching imagining him withdrawing alone, but the best gift we could ask for. I saw him sober for the first time in ten years. I laid my head on his chest and cried – there was my brother my husband has never known and the boy I have amazing memories with. He’s an addict again. Only weeks later to turn on his family who were eager to help – now running from the law again. You are not alone. Praying for your brother and mine.

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  8. The last time I spoke to my brother was Nov 2014. He had, once again, found himself without shelter after his relationship imploded due to violence. He texted me asking for help, and I told him I couldn’t do it. He wanted money. He insulted family members, and accused us of never helping him when he needed it, which simply wasn’t true. I told him so, and he blew up. Called me horrible names, threatened violence, and insulted my husband and children. We had a lot of belongings that were his, and we gave him 2 solid months to come get it. My mother got involved and told me I was void of compassion. This has been going on for at least 16 years. I was tired, I was angry, and I was hurt. He contacted me a few days later via text, insulted me some more, so I threw everything on the front porch, and told him to come get it. I told him I loved him, but I wasn’t going to be disrespected. My mother, my brother, and I have not talked since. Not a single day passes that I don’t worry, that I don’t imagine horrible things. The truth is, no matter how bad it hurts, I can’t go back. My life now, aside from this, is peaceful. There is no drama, no one tipping the balance. But it doesn’t stop the visions while I try to sleep. It doesn’t ease the guilt I feel. It hasn’t made me strong enough to try to work on a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries. I don’t know what to do.

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  9. Sorry, didn’t know how to write as a new post, so posting here, hoping to get some help. My 56 year old brother has been a junkie since a teen. He has always been dependent on someone to take care of him. Two wives, countless girlfriends, my parents, and his daughters, despite he never paid child support for the 4 girls. He had been living with my parents until he almost killed my Mom a few months ago, and was told to leave. My Dad has dementia, and my Mom is having trouble with her memory. They are both 88. After that awful thing he did, this brother went to, and lived in Texas. He came back 2 weeks ago. I’ve spoken to my Mom extensively encouraging her to never let him live there again. Well, he is living with them, and stealing their money, just as he did before he left. The police talked with my Mom last week, and she told them she wanted to give him a second chance. What a nightmare. I fill their medicine boxes for them each week, but was sick last week, so he filled them. When I got better, I went over and checked the boxes and he had double my Mom’s blood pressure medication. Accident because of drug brain, or deliberate? I’ve talked with numerous people, but it seems there isn’t any thing I can do anything. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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