2 Months Ago

2 months ago I watched my brother almost die. I am still watching him die. Since that day in the hospital, we have learned so much about the past year of my brother’s life. His girlfriend has essentially been keeping him high. She provides him the drugs and he uses. After my brother’s stay in the hospital we all rallied around him in hopes of getting him into a long term treatment program. At first his girlfriend seemed supportive but then we realized that she is the biggest hurtle in his recovery.

She keeps him high. 

I have no idea why she does this especially since she is a mother. But she does. She has told us that she knows “what meds” he needs to be on. This is why he carries 10 bottles of psychotropic pills, benzos, xanax, and anything else she will get him in his book bag that never leaves his side. She provides him the demons that fuel his 12 year addiction.

She is sick. He is sick. Together they are a co-dependent tsunami just waiting to destroy.

Last week on my birthday, my brother got on a plane and went to a long term rehab. Today she flew him home. At the rehab he was combative and on all sorts of drugs and had little interest in even trying to get clean.

I am sad but I am not sad. He isn’t the boy I know. My brother died a long time ago and I think it’s about time I get used to that fact.

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8 thoughts on “2 Months Ago”

  1. I’m sorry. I know my words are just words and can’t help immediately.

    My sister is clean. I think. For now. But I know how quickly things shift.

    I want to ask you openly, are you suffering from any addictive behaviors?

    I find myself drinking more and looking for and outlet. It’s not to a point where it’s interfering with my life, but I’m cognizant of it. Because of her.

    We are so close to becoming them. If you don’t think so; you’re silly.

    Lately,
    Meg

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so sorry to hear that is going on with you and your brother. Same with mine, he came home from a work/rehab to only fall in the hands of those who supply him with heroin. I love him so much and would die for him if he would not ever feel the pain he goes through. He cries to me in desperation how he regrets tasting heroin. How he has diarreah everyday. How his bones hurt. How he’s always cold. How he shares needles because he trust people. My only brother is so lost in drugs that he sees me but pretty much sees right through me. I hurt psycologically while he hurts physically. We’re both dying. Thank you for having this page, finally someone I can relate to.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi there, I don’t know you and I don’t fully know your story but I just wanted to leave you with some encouragement that I am hoping that your situation will improve and I’ve just said a little prayer for you.
    I have suffered with codependency with an Ex-boyfriend of mine and I have had to cry out for help because it was destroying me when I started to cling to God’s truth I was able to recover. We cannot change or save another from addiction no matter how much we love them but we can pray for them in an act of love. I also don’t know if you know that we have a great comforter and provider in the Lord Jesus Christ who longs to come into our every situation if we acknowledge him: He is fighting for us and if we trust in him he says Isaiah 41:10 Amplified Bible (AMP)
    ‘Do not fear [anything], for I am with you;
    Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;
    I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].’

    I also want you to know that you are not alone and there is a hope.
    I pray your brother and his girlfriend are saved and that you also come to a place of peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry and heartbroken for you that your brother is not getting better. Life sucks so bad sometimes. I wish there was a way this witch/girlfriend could be turned in for getting him the drugs. I mean what she is doing is illegal. It’s just not right!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have just come across your blog and we are living the same exact life I believe. Your words are helping me come to terms with my emotions. I want to thank you for publicly writing about this personal topic. It is helping me so much.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have followed this for a long time. I lost my brother to heroin almost a year ago. I dont talk about it or him to anyone.
    I miss him terribly. I wish there was something I could have done. I blame myself a lot. I just wish I made the most of the time I had with him instead of trying to distance myself. To prepare myself for him dying like you.
    Now all I want is to go back to the Christmas that he spent with us. The long chat I had with him. I miss my junkie brother so much. But he is free now. From all his demons. And I know he watches over me. Give your brother a hug.

    Liked by 1 person

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