6 Months Ago

6 Months ago I watched my brother almost die. I sat next to his hospital bed, held his puffy hands, and prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Selfishly I prayed for me. I prayed that he would find sobriety so I could have him back in my life. So we could make up for the past 10 years we’ve lost. I prayed that he could find enough good inside himself to want a life free from drugs so my kids could be around the uncle that they love dearly. I prayed that he would live so he could find the happiness I found in this life. I prayed that he could live so my dad wouldn’t have to go thru the crushing trauma of losing a child. I prayed for everything I could think of as I sat there an held his puffy hand. I prayed for everything and everyone but him.

I should have prayed for him.

Addicts don’t have the luxury of praying for themselves. They are consumed by the drug and that obsession cancels out any thought of their own well being.  Laying in that hospital bed, my brother felt pain like I will never feel. My prayers belonged with him those days.

Today, 6 months later, my brother is alive. While our relationship is definitely strained, I find myself praying for him daily. My kids and I say a prayer every night for him. We don’t say what we want our prayer to accomplish, we just say we pray for Uncle Andy hoping someday our prayers get answered.


5 thoughts on “6 Months Ago”

  1. Hi I pray too ….everynight for my brother . He has been clean of heroin a year and a half now but I still ask god everyday to give him strenth and peace..Thank you so much for sharing your story. God bless you and your family

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope your prayers work. Our son just lost a childhood friend a few weeks ago. He just got out of treatment again. He seemed like he was doing well. Son was hoping this would be the time. His sister said there were no drugs in his system but I think his body had been abused too long. He had a heart attack. It makes me so sad what drugs do to people. I will keep you, your family and your brother in my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My brother lost his battle yesterday morning. I’ve read this blog and referred to it many times over the past few years. I am reaching out to talk anyone going through this fucking hell. My brothers name was Jack and he was a wonderful, intelligent and beautiful human being. I have a whole in my soul and its crushing me from the inside out. If anyone here uses support blogs, please reach out to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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