2 Months Ago

2 months ago I watched my brother almost die. I am still watching him die. Since that day in the hospital, we have learned so much about the past year of my brother’s life. His girlfriend has essentially been keeping him high. She provides him the drugs and he uses. After my brother’s stay in the hospital we all rallied around him in hopes of getting him into a long term treatment program. At first his girlfriend seemed supportive but then we realized that she is the biggest hurtle in his recovery.

She keeps him high. 

I have no idea why she does this especially since she is a mother. But she does. She has told us that she knows “what meds” he needs to be on. This is why he carries 10 bottles of psychotropic pills, benzos, xanax, and anything else she will get him in his book bag that never leaves his side. She provides him the demons that fuel his 12 year addiction.

She is sick. He is sick. Together they are a co-dependent tsunami just waiting to destroy.

Last week on my birthday, my brother got on a plane and went to a long term rehab. Today she flew him home. At the rehab he was combative and on all sorts of drugs and had little interest in even trying to get clean.

I am sad but I am not sad. He isn’t the boy I know. My brother died a long time ago and I think it’s about time I get used to that fact.


Rest in Peace Robin Williams


My brother has been in jail for the past three months and is out on bail waiting for trial. I have talked to him once and I heard from my grandpa that he is doing well. I keep my distance because 10 years of his heroin addiction has taught me too.

Today when the news of Robin Williams suicide¬†hit the interwebs I couldn’t help but tear up. A lifetime of addiction and depression caught up with him and enough was enough. The disease won and Mr. Williams lost.

I think anyone who knows or loves an addict knows that the sad ending of Mr. Williams life is a distinct possibility of an ending to their loved ones life. When people in the spotlight die by way of addiction all it does for me is make me feel like my brother is next. Sometimes the choice to live isn’t present and there are no other options.

We all hope that this ending isn’t the ending to our brother’s story. We hope they make it. But I think deep down we know that the grim reaper stands on their shoulder every day of their lives.

And I am so sad that my brother has to live that like. And I am so sad that at 63 Mr. Williams couldn’t live in this world any longer.

I hope that he finds peace. I hope that his family can find peace. And I truly hope that someday we will live in a world where the disease of depression and addiction no longer exist.